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October 05, 2005

Comments

Samem

The essay is very strong when it comes down to giving examples and demonstrations of how Catlin depicts the Native Americans drastic change of cultural life after the influence of the white settlement to the west. Although I was very comfortable with what was said in the essay, there are a couple of suggestions that can make this essay even better. First of all, underline and bold your thesis so the readers know where to go and see what the idea behind the essay is if they get lost in between the paragraphs. Second, the first paragraph is two sentences, which, if I am not mistaking, is not even a paragraph. Next time, give a little more introduction to your essay in order to catch the readers’ attention. Last but not least, the essay does not show any evidence from the book which is one of the requirements for the blogs. Search in the book a little and find may be a sentence or two from the book. This will help elaborate your point a little further therefore, strengthening your essay.

Whitney Howell

Chelstan,
Your opening sentence is very catching. However, I wasn’t sure want your thesis was. Make sure that it is not hard for your reader to figure it out. Underlining it or bold text really helps. Going more in depth with your description of the painting would be really beneficial to the blog. Your ending seemed a little quick, add a few connecting sentences to transition more smoothly. I say that even though I have a hard time doing it. LOL.
Whitney

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